Bumble BFF proves what we all know, that friendship is a two way street; it’s not as easy as swiping right
Even after meeting someone, I had those second thoughts before texting someone. It was this balance between being friendly and being too “clingy.” Sometimes there’s the thought that the other person doesn’t want to talk to you, and I don’t know where these insecurities come from, but they come up.
Maybe this whole thing is the “strangest” thing – making friends online. Is it basically a subtle cry of desperation? Maybe. Why is it seen as desperation though when you’re putting yourself out there? It’s about expanding your circle outside of the people you see everyday. Why stay comfortable and be friends with only people who you work with? There’s so many more people out there who have different interests and mindsets.
The whole point, which nobody ever says out loud, is that it’s hard to make friends. It’s hard to say to the world, “I’m lonely. Looking for some cool people to hang out with.” We’ve been thrown with signs and videos and shows about how easy it is to make friends. It’s not that simple in real life. I have to drive out to meet people usually in their place of convenience. I have to spend money because meetings revolve around food and drinks. I have to wait for the weekends to see people because that’s the only time I’m free. I have to make sure the timing is right because people are out of town a lot. It’s kind of an inorganic process where it takes several times to forge something that becomes organic. It takes so much time and effort to make a friend in a completely new place outside of work and school, so that’s probably why people don’t try.
This whole experience made me think about how friendships manifests itself in the real world. I’m thinking people still have this mental checklist in their mind when meeting people, but it’s more subtle because it’s not an endless screen of pictures, rather it’s real people with real feelings.
Grabbing food was the ideal Bumble BFF date because it was low pressure and you could stuff your face with food if it wasn’t going well
I’m still waiting to see whether these three girls I met unfold into friendship. In the meantime, I’m still swiping, alternating between being hopeful and hopeless about finding girlfriends, while being aware that people are more than their internet identities. I hope they don’t run out of girls.
Some girls had a lot of pictures. I contemplating adding more because having only three pictures was definitely on the low side, but the three that I had showed who I was. Most of them had photos with boyfriends, fiances, or husbands, so I felt like the only single girl on this app. There were pictures of girls dressed up going out for the night, pictures that were professionally shot, and pictures that were more pixelated. I learned that there was something about the way people’s photos had to be for me to swipe right. It couldn’t be a super close, blurry selfie because it didn’t give off the right “image” of who this person was. As stupid as it sounded, presentation mattered especially on an app that encouraged a yes or no answer in a split second with no emotional commitment from the user.
For most of my matches, the conversation turned to the story of us moving to Dallas, or where I’m living, or what our careers are. Many conversations fizzled after they didn’t reply after I said something or when there was nothing left to say. There’s so much less at stake when you’re messaging someone online because you can “forget to reply” without a second thought. Out of my eight / nine matches, I’ve only met up with three people. In two out of the three cases, they initiated the kissbrides.com her explanation meetup which revolved around food. My BFF dates went well, and they seemed like people I would be friends with, but it takes effort. Because I don’t see them everyday, it means having to think of them and text them to meet up.